Watercooler Chat: The Good, the Decent and our Super Bowl pick

The great thing about the NFL is that it maintains it’s mystique every Sunday. You’re just as excited for Week 2 as you were for Week 1. Why? (1) You get to find out if your fantasy team is ‘that good’ 🙂 or ‘that bad’ 🙁 (2) You get to see all the commercials you liked from the first week again. (3) You get to see all the commercials you hated from the first week again. But you can complain to your friends about how much you hated those commercials. Something funny is usually said during this discourse, and laughing is good for your mental health and also burns calories so that’s good. (4) You continue to be shocked and surprised, which is great for your blood pressure (Note: This is true. I learned said fact from a Discovery Channel special on rollercoasters. And said Discovery Channel special aired after an in-flight movie: DREAMGIRLS) Anyway, it feels great to be shocked. And thus, here were some notable shocking events from Week 2:

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1) The Cleveland Browns and Cincinnati Bengals put up a total of 96 points in one of the highest scoring games in NFL history. Carson Palmer threw for 6 touchdowns while Derek Anderson, in a game where his job was on the line, threw for 5 touchdowns and 300 yards. Can’t do much better than that under pressure. Anyway, congratulations to the cities of Cleveland and Cincinnati, as this high-scoring affair has completely rejuvenated the 59th most exciting rivalry in sports. (Cleveland 51, Cincinnati 45)

2)THE HOUSTON TEXANS ARE 2-0. WE REPEAT: HOUSTON… IS 2-0!! I’d say these guys are going undefeated if they weren’t playing Indianapolis next week. So next Sunday we can scream from our windowsills, “HOUSTON IS 2-1. WE REPEAT: HOUSTON… IS 2-1!!!”… which is still good. (Houston 34, Carolina 21)

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3) In an extremely shocking surprise, the Baltimore Ravens let Kyle Boller on the field. Their 4-year project quarterback who has continuously been the centerpiece to their putrid offense, failing them repeatedly. To give you an idea of how baffling this is, let me paint a picture for you. Imagine that you’re having a big dinner party, and your 8-yr-old greets each guest by kicking them in the shin. Of course, you’re furious, and you send your kid immediately to his/her room. “Stay there!!!”, you say. Then, somehow, your 8-yr-old sneaks out of his room, runs out to your dinner party, jumps on the table, and starts singing Britney Spears songs in their entirety as you chase him/her around the kitchen red-faced. Frustrated as can be, you send your 8-yr-old back to their room. Then, after the party, you let your kid out of their room, fix them an ice cream sundae with caramel, hot fudge, and sprinkles, then take them to Toys R’ Us to buy an XBOX. Does this make sense? No. What’s the reward for? However, the analogy isn’t perfect. You eventually reconcile things with your kid because you love them. Nobody in Baltimore loves Kyle Boller. (Baltimore 20, NY Jets 13 — Yes, they won, but fans who talk themselves into Kyle Boller will inevitably be disappointed. I feel sorry for you already)

4) The Bears look like a tight team. And running-Back Cedric Benson has successfully changed his reputation in Chicago from “terrible” to “reasonable”. Kudos to Cedric and his family. (Chicago 20, Kansas City 10)

5) Atlanta has progressed from an abysmal 3-point showing last week to an abysmal 7-point showing this week. Progress is progress is progress (Jacksonville 13, Atlanta 7)

6) The NBC Sunday night game between San Diego and New England was supposed to be a classic football showdown. But the Patriots were FAR superior. They do NOTHING wrong. Their offense, a juggernaut. Their defense: impenetrable. At this point, they have to be everybody’s Super Bowl pick. If someone asks you, “Who do you think will win the Super Bowl?”, you say, “The Patriots” because you will be right. And it’s nice to be right about things. Wouldn’t it be great if our own lives were this easy to predict?

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